Patience

Patience is not something I have a lot of. My husband has way more than I do. I have to force myself to be patient. Some days it's really hard, especially when I'm PMS'ing, or I'm sick or I haven't had enough sleep. That's when I'm running on the "E" in the patience tank. Those days are tough. Luckily, I have really sweet/cute kids who love to turn my frown upside down. ):) I really think that how we were raised has a huge impact on our lives. A long time ago, when I was pregnant with Raven, I said this to my Mother and she said..."You can try and blame me, but you're responsible for yourself. So what if I was a horrible Mother. Get over it." She's just a little ray of sunshine!! -_- Anyway. I have worked hard over the years to control my angry/rage/stress/depression and I am extremely proud of myself. When Raven was born I swore to myself that I would be a better Mom than my Mother ever was. From that day on it was a battle. It didn't help that I was a single Mom who had no idea what she was doing and virtually no help at all. I was a lone with this tiny baby who had reflux, but at the time we had no idea what was going on. This was 14 years ago, and I thought it was "normal", or so said everyone I asked. Even her Pedi said "she's just a fussy baby". Thank goodness we've come a long way!

Fast forward 4 years 1/2 years......I meet my husband. We fell in love and got married. That's a whole new set of issues I had to learn to deal with. Patience? Ugh. Not enough in the world. LOL!! Actually, we did fine. Fast forward 5 more years when we started TTC my #2 and our first child together. I never had pregnancy hormone induced rage when I was pregnant with Raven, but boy, oh boy did I have it when I was pregnant with Lex. Patience was a must, and I taught myself how to be patient...AGAIN! You see, I'm learning all the time!

Over the years I've had to relearn how to be patient. Everyday it's a battle. Well, not everyday. Some days are almost perfect. Like today. Today I woke up in a great mood. I'm calm, well rested and ready for the weekend!! But then there are days when both Kevin and I have to stop.....breath.....and try not to lose our cool. For example......

Yes, those are scratch marks on our car. Of course we knew Lex did it, so when Kevin asked him why and what he used he responded...."I used a rock. It says "I love you, Daddy". Now how can you be angry at that? But before Kevin talked to Lex he was furious. Can you blame him? No. What we try to remind ourselves of every day is that one day they will be grown, they won't want to be around us anymore, they'll have lives of their own and we'll be calling them everyday to just hear their voices. Scratches can be removed, broken things can be fixed or replaced, the mess doesn't matter, crumbs can be cleaned up, but if I lose my temper on my children, I can't take that back. They'll remember it just like I remember everything my Mother did to me. So I take a step back, breath and try to smile while I'm cleaning up whatever mess it is they've made. It can be really hard, and I'm only human, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job. :)